I've always been a jealous person. When I was about 7 years old, I remember my mom telling my grandmother that I had "green" eyes. Considering my eyes were brown, I found this very confusing. But it wasn't long until I figured out that she was referring to the "green eyed monster" that hides within many of us. Over the years, I heard her mention on several occassions that I was envious of my sister Rachel who was two years older. She was always seen as the pretty and sweet one. I was not as cute... super skinny, with big plastic glasses, and boy short hair, and a hideous wardrobe. My sister lived with her dad (my mom's first husband) and I lived with out mom and my adopted dad. So naturally when Rachel would come around, there would be competition for our mom's attention.
By the time I reached middle school, I was very aware of my looks and stopped at nothing to achieve my idea of pretty. I convinced my mom to let my hair grow and got my first perm. (Don't judge me... it was the 80's) Then for my 12th birthday, she took me to get contacts and let me dabble with makeup. I was finally able to pick out my own clothes that were actually in style and highly desirable at that time. (think Guess? jeans, Liz Claiborne purses, Tretorns)
Not only were boys becoming interested in me, but the popular girls were actually starting to like me. That was when I realized that I had envious feelings towards someone other than my sister.... my friend Tara. Everyone had a girl like Tara in their school.... blonde, rich, smart,popular, the teachers pet. She had everything and although she became one of my best friends, I also secretly hated her too. She was my biggest competition when it came to style, boys, and friends.
The jealousy didn't stop in high school either. Even though I was popular and even made the homecoming court, I still continued to fight feelings of jealousy all through high school. I was envious of the beautiful cheerleader types. I was envious of girls that my long term boyfriend admitted that he found attractive. I was envious of girls that weren't afraid to run for class president or could dance like no one was watching. (I always had phobias of people looking at me, therefore I sat quietly in the corner at school dances, never could try out for cheerleading, and I avoided anything that I thought would draw attention to me.)
So here I am in my 30's, and I am still the same jealous, insecure person I have always been. I have a wonderful husband, a decent job (not my dream job but I make pretty good money), a nice home, and great friends. So why is it that I still find myself consumed with feelings of jealousy? This question is what made me google the word jealousy yesterday. Wikipedia defines jealousy as negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. That's when it hit me that jealousy and envy are actually different. You see, jealousy is about fear of loosing something you treasure, while envy is about wanting what someone else has.
So, what puzzles me is why I have to be so unfortunate to be consumed with both. I am jealous of many women that I always feel are after my husband and I am envious of my skinny friend that has the body I once had and am dying to obtain again. I've had conversations with many people about being jealous and while some admit that they feel jealous at times, others say they never have feelings of jealousy. So my question is, do you think jealousy and envy are something that you are born to have or are they learned behaviors? I would love to hear your thoughts on this issue
By the time I reached middle school, I was very aware of my looks and stopped at nothing to achieve my idea of pretty. I convinced my mom to let my hair grow and got my first perm. (Don't judge me... it was the 80's) Then for my 12th birthday, she took me to get contacts and let me dabble with makeup. I was finally able to pick out my own clothes that were actually in style and highly desirable at that time. (think Guess? jeans, Liz Claiborne purses, Tretorns)
Not only were boys becoming interested in me, but the popular girls were actually starting to like me. That was when I realized that I had envious feelings towards someone other than my sister.... my friend Tara. Everyone had a girl like Tara in their school.... blonde, rich, smart,popular, the teachers pet. She had everything and although she became one of my best friends, I also secretly hated her too. She was my biggest competition when it came to style, boys, and friends.
The jealousy didn't stop in high school either. Even though I was popular and even made the homecoming court, I still continued to fight feelings of jealousy all through high school. I was envious of the beautiful cheerleader types. I was envious of girls that my long term boyfriend admitted that he found attractive. I was envious of girls that weren't afraid to run for class president or could dance like no one was watching. (I always had phobias of people looking at me, therefore I sat quietly in the corner at school dances, never could try out for cheerleading, and I avoided anything that I thought would draw attention to me.)
So here I am in my 30's, and I am still the same jealous, insecure person I have always been. I have a wonderful husband, a decent job (not my dream job but I make pretty good money), a nice home, and great friends. So why is it that I still find myself consumed with feelings of jealousy? This question is what made me google the word jealousy yesterday. Wikipedia defines jealousy as negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. That's when it hit me that jealousy and envy are actually different. You see, jealousy is about fear of loosing something you treasure, while envy is about wanting what someone else has.
So, what puzzles me is why I have to be so unfortunate to be consumed with both. I am jealous of many women that I always feel are after my husband and I am envious of my skinny friend that has the body I once had and am dying to obtain again. I've had conversations with many people about being jealous and while some admit that they feel jealous at times, others say they never have feelings of jealousy. So my question is, do you think jealousy and envy are something that you are born to have or are they learned behaviors? I would love to hear your thoughts on this issue
See how strong your jealousy is by taking some of these quizzes.
